Revealing your position in life.

We know that it is important we are honest with our loved ones. But we are also afraid that the unconditional love we were promised may just be conditional after all. So we run down our memory of how our parents presented homosexuality, or how they reacted when the topic was discussed. It is amazing how clear our memories become when called up on this topic. It is amazing how clear our memories become when called up on this topic.

Your parents never discussed the topic, to your knowledge.This is obviously inconclusive. Perhaps they are just uncomfortable with the topic - there are many people who do not know what to say about it, or the topic just never came up when you were around.

The only thing you can remember is their making/laughing at jokes about homosexuals.Well, this can mean that they have negative feelings about homosexuality, or they are just insensitive to politically correct behavior.

They belong to a religion that [incorrectly] teaches that homosexuality is a sin.Many individuals do not follow all of the teachings of their church. Without a memory confirming that they do agree with their faith on this topic, you do not know for certain that you are going to encounter a problem here. So, you may want to test the waters , so to speak, before you take that dive.

When you find yourself chatting about news or issues, bring up the topic in a non-personal manner. With GLBT issues surfacing in the news so often today, it is pretty easy to find something that no one would find confrontational.

Hate crime legislation is on many ballots coming up in November. Ask what they think about the issue. A side benefit is that you might get a chance to change their mind on the issue, if necessary.

GLBT marriage is also on this countrys minds. Ask how they feel about the issue - again, take the opportunity to educate them on the issue, if possible.

It will not be hard to determine how they feel about homosexuals and homosexuality once the conversation gets going. However, if they refuse to discuss the issues, then you may have to face the fact that they may have already guessed about your sexual orientation, and they are not comfortable with it.

Now you have to ask yourself -- How strongly do you want to push the issue?

You can come out to them at this point, in an attempt to force them into discussing their feelings about it. If you decide to go down this road, you need to be prepared to face their anger and disappointment head on. Make no mistake; forcing them to face your sexual orientation is going to bring out strong reactions -- none of which are going to be encouraging.

That does not mean they will not eventually work through their own homophobia. Just that they will not think through their feelings about homosexuality before they begin dumping it on you.

Another option is to back off for the moment, and plan to bring up the topic again, and often. There is something to be said for gently pushing the envelope farther until it is opened. Using this method gives you the added advantage of having the opportunity to do research on the issues. Once completed, you can provide them with facts and resources that counter misconceptions that may be influencing their feelings.

The third option is very difficult. After hearing severe disapproval, you can avoid coming out to them entirely. The biggest problem with this option is that eventually you will find you are not sharing any of your life with the people whom you have loved the most and the longest. Soon you will be unable to share any personal news with them for fear of using the wrong pronoun. Hopefully you will have an interesting and rewarding career, because that is all you will be able to discuss -- other than the weather, of course.

No matter how you decide to come out to your parents, it is wise to offer them resources and information of support. Even the most accepting parent can use the information provided by PFLAG. If your parents prefer books, I recommend Beyond Acceptance, by Carolyn Welch Griffin, Marian J. Wirth and Arthur G. Wirth.

The timing for coming out to family members is also important. Do not pick a holiday -- most holidays are stressful and memorable -- and the first reactions you receive may not be the kind you want in your scrapbooks. If there is to be any negative reactions, there is no reason to give it an official anniversary.

Hopefully someday - someday soon - it will no longer be necessary to go through the fear and stress of coming out to loved ones and associates. Someday, God willing, I believe sexual orientation will be nothing more notable than the color of our eyes. Someday...

Vicki

Political Correctness How we define it?

POLITICALLY CORRECT: Of, relating to, or supporting a program of broad social, political, and educational change, especially to redress historical injustices in matters such as race, class, gender, and sexual orientation.

How many times have you heard on a talk show or read an article in the paper about an issue that would be considered politically correct (PC), only to be followed dismissively with the phrase that is PC? When did politically correct become a condemnation?

Why is it shameful to take action to affect a change in behaviour that offends, upsets or embarrasses people? Why are apologies expected from those who are working toward creating awareness of another's discomfort? Why is it that we expect shame from the person who is offended rather than from the person who is offensive? Am I the only one who feels as if she has stepped into an upside-down world?

It is inappropriate and offensive to tell sexually related or obscene jokes to or around persons who might be offended. It is wrong to mock a person for their sexual orientation or to make passes toward someone in the workplace. This is fairly basic social graces and not hard difficult to learn or teach.

It used to be that when someone crossed one of those lines -- when someone behaves inappropriately and offensively -- the offending party was referred to as a bore or an oaf. They were shunned and condemned by society until they apologized and learned to behave appropriately. This should have been covered in Basic Social Skills 101.

Today, these bores are hailed as innovative, down-to-earth and refreshing. These oafs are encouraged to host talk shows on television and radio and even to run for public office. It almost seems as if the more offensive the individual's behaviour, the more popular they become. And should anyone dare to scold them for their outrageous behaviour, the infamous phrase -- You are just being PC! is flung into their face and all discussion is shut down, exonerating everyone for their offensive behaviour.

Recently there was a release of a bible rewrite -- to turn all pronouns non-gender specific. I heard this described as making the bible politically correct. This is not about being politically correct -- it is an example that is used to discredit political correctness and make anyone who supports PC behaviour to appear to be plain old foolish. Do we really have to be so foolish to fall for this obvious ploy?

I think it is time we put a stop to allowing miss-characterizations -- time for us to stop being afraid to confront boorish behaviour -- and time to stop allowing words to keep us from doing what is right. It is time to stop apologizing for being offended.

Susie Vicki